Taming Tantrums Part 1: Understanding your child

EVERY child goes through a time when they throw themselves on the floor (seemingly out of no where) and scream until they are literally RED the face. And for every tantruming child there is usually a parent close by confused, overwhelmed and experiencing a strong desire to lie next to their child and scream along with them.

Why don't they just tell me what's wrong?

The short answer: 

They Can't

Now the long answer:

A quick lesson in Biology (Super quick I promise!)

 The Amygdala

• One of the first parts of the brain to form
• The reptilian brain – Fight, Flight, Freeze
• Associated with deep emotions and fear

The Frontal Lobe

• One of the last parts of the brain to form, is not fully developed until mid-20’s
• Associated with rational thinking
• When the brain is in the fight, flight or freeze response then the frontal lobes go “offline”

 Anxiety can trigger the reptilian brain to take over. If a child is feeling overwhelmed with their emotions, their anxiety is high and their ability to reason is non- existent. It may take as long as three FULL minutes AFTER calming for the frontal lobe to come back “online”. Which means, once a child's emotions are so elevated negotiation and discipline are pointless - they are physically incapable of comprehending a thing you are saying!

But my child is a toddler, what in the world are they so worried or upset about?

Good Question!

Parents often don't realize that children have the same feelings as adults, same intensity, but smaller body a.k.a smaller container. Think about a time when you were just inundated with a feeling of sadness, disappointment, fear, or rage. To an adult these feelings are overwhelming at best, but to a kid it is intolerable.

Not only do they have the same onslaught of emotion, they feel as if they have no control of them. As far as they know, it's as if the feelings are happening TO them.  Additionally, they don't yet have the words to identify or explain what is going on. It doesn't make sense. So they are having these HUGE feelings that feel as if they are attacking them and they have no idea how to tell you what is going on. THEN to add insult to injury, they have no sense of time and for all they know this is now their current state of being and it is NEVER GOING TO END

Learn what to do about it in Taming Tantrums Part 2!