How to identify a Narcissist

I often describe a narcissist as synonymous with an individual who is the star of their own play and everyone that surrounds them has their own part to play. If you are in the narcissists play and you are not playing the part he/she assigns you, then you will get kicked out of the play or shamed, blamed, or manipulated until you “do what you are supposed to do”.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and are left baffled because it feels like they didn’t even HEAR much less acknowledge you? Does it leave you feeling confused and almost questioning your own sanity because of the complete disregard for what you were saying. Not only were you ignored, but it was literally as if you hadn’t said anything at all. With a fragile ego, the narcissist is physically incapable of processing information that does not fit into their play or their plan.

Narcissists tend to be charming, friendly and appealing to the outside world, but those close to them see the other side that is filled with guilt, shaming, manipulation, gas lighting, projection and abuse. I find that this duality is most troubling to my clients because they are often made to feel like liars when they discuss the narcissist in their life and are met with things like, "But they are so nice" and "But its your mom/dad etc."

Psych Central explains that this disorder is recognized as an individual with a long pattern of grandiosity, an overwhelming need for admiration and usually a complete lack of empathy towards others. Additionally, Psych Central goes on to explain that an individual diagnosable with Narcissistic Personality Disorder would have five or more of the following symptoms:

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

Requires excessive admiration

Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

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