How to Handle the Narcissist in Your Life

The hardest part is learning to recognize the narcissist. This can be exceedingly difficult if you are a child of a narcissistic parent, however it is important to acknowledge that a narcissist will likely never be able to meet your emotional needs.

When in a relationship with a narcissist either romantically or otherwise, it is important to keep very clear and strong boundaries in order to maintain your own sense of self. When involved with a narcissist it is very easy to get sucked into their “play" for fear of being strongly reprimanded or manipulated if you do not cooperate. If you are able to recognize the narcissist in your life then you can begin the process of appreciating the positive parts of the individual with the knowledge that you will have to get most of your emotional needs met elsewhere.

Nina W. Brown , Ed.D, LPC, is an expert on narcissism and its effects on relationships. She is the author of multiple books on the subject including Children of the Self-Absorbed, Working with the Self Absorbed, and Who’s Life is it Anyway? In her book Loving the Self Absorbed – How to Create a More Satisfying Relationship with a Narcissistic Partner she offers advice that is not only helpful, but can also be adjusted to work with any relationship you may have with a narcissist in your life. Some practical excerpts from the book are:

Attending
Boundary strength is what protects you from external assaults, such as projections, and from internal assaults such as having guilt and shame triggered. One quick and simple step you can institute is to reduce the times when you are attending to your partner. 

These include:
Don’t allow eye contact
Orient your body away from her
Put slightly more physical space between the two of you, and pay only partial attention.
Save the full attending for those times when communications are more satisfying and pleasant. Make a practice of not attending fully until you are sure which way the interaction is heading.

What can you do when facing criticism or blame? …

For the immediate future, you can do one or more of the following:
Employ your emotional insulation
Appear to agree with the comments
Deflect the course of the conversation
Refuse to react with hurt or shame
Say you’ll do better next time
Focus your thoughts on your strengths
Withdraw
Think about something else.

Do Not Confront
Regardless of how you define confronting, it is in your best interest to make a practice of not confronting your DNP. You’ve probably tried it in the past, and it did not work to your benefit or satisfaction. The truth is, it will never work.

Acceptance
Your situation will become more tolerable if you can bring yourself to accept your partner as is. This may seem trite and redundant, but part of your distress comes from unsuccessful attempts to change your partner

Need More Support?

Are you in a relationship and need additional support on how to navigate the relationship while maintaining your own sense of self? Check out Ashley's Navigating Narcissist course HERE