Boundaries and Unhealthy Relationships

As mentioned in an earlier post, personal boundaries were a struggle for me for many years. During my journey of self awareness and boundary communication, while most people were very respectful and even appreciative of my new found "voice", I found individuals that made it very difficult. Through this exploration process I came to see that there were individuals in my life who preferred I remained “invisible” so they could impress their own ideas onto me and I have since learned those are unhealthy relationships. As I began to identify those unhealthy relationships, I came to the realization that I did not need nor want those types of people in my life.

When you first begin to enforce your boundaries after a lifetime of “people pleasing," a certain amount of push back is to be expected as the people in your life adjust to you having an independent voice. However, in healthy relationships, after the initial adjustment period, the relationships become stronger. You begin to connect with people in your life on a much deeper level allowing for both individuals to safely express their own feelings, thoughts, and ideas.

On the contrary, there will be individuals who chose to be in a relationship with you BECAUSE they could convince or manipulate you into doing what they want. These individuals will not take kindly to the change and your growing sense of self. They may use tactics such as guilt, manipulation, shame and cruelty to keep you doing what they want because it is comfortable for them. It is important that with these individuals you, not only maintain your boundaries, but also make them very clear and direct, allowing for no questions. If you feel as if your boundaries are still being plowed over, you may want to consider how healthy this relationship is and what they are contributing to your life and you as a person.